Thanksgiving

In America we have many, many things to be thankful for. Yet, I bet if you truly went around the table, and NO BS had the actual answers that people were thinking, you'd be a little shocked.

In America there is a seeming concerted effort to push material wants higher and higher up the importance ladder. In other country's that ladders top rung is faith, or perhaps family, or even patriotism. I'm sure that for some Americans that is still the case as well. However, more and more it seems the top rungs are taken up by a want... the want of stuff. Be it newer electronics, better cars, bigger home, more clothing, the list goes on and on...

I can see this disparity as I recall my time in Nicaragua. I met a family there who showed me that with a dirt floor, one pan, and an outhouse, true happiness is closer and easier to grasp than it is in my home now, with heat, 3BRs, and two cars.

Does this mean we can't find it, or be truly thankful, no, not at all. It just means we have to work at it a little harder. We have to look past the computer screen, big screen TV, or new windshield, and see what is REALLY GOING ON in our lives.

Where this is the most apparent and frighting is in the youth of America. We have bisected the relationship parents had with their children in the past and replaced it with the TV, the PC, and the MP3. If some family's were made to sit down and look at each other over a dinner plate, shocking things would happen.

I'm a happily divorced 31 year old with a 12 year old daughter. I seem to be having the same conversation over and over with her.

Thank those who do things for and with you.

I remember when I was her age if I had "forgotten" (read here decided not to), say thank you to someone in the presence of my parents I would get a stern immediate reminder now, and a sore ass later.
Now, I find myself clamming up because I'm worried I'll "blow-up" at my daughter, or yell.... what the hell happened? Why can't I blow-up, why shouldn't I yell? Isn't something out of place here? Didn't we already have the nice calm talk last week? At some point don't I have to ratchet up the volume?

I don't know. What I can tell you is that when the other parent is not interested in being a parent, but wants to be a friend, your left with no legs to stand on.

So...
Thanksgiving.

Take some time with the Big ass TV off, the PC shut down, and the MP3 player out of your ears, and quietly think of just how good we have it. Then thank someone who has done something for you or with you.
Then thank God for all of it... and starting the day after thanksgiving (heres the tough part) REPEAT DAILY.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Late Fall

Apparently late fall has stolen into my life without warning. I recall thinking some time around September that things were going fast... now I'm here. How does this happen?

I guess I get caught up in the day to day <-- ugh that's such a horrible term.... hate it.

I'll try again....

I get so focused on a short to-do list each day that I don't step back and look at the big picture enough.
Ahhhh that's better.

Any way, I noticed that it's late fall. humph. A week or so away from Thanksgiving.... geez.

I got back to the hotel tonight and was on my way from the car to the lobby when I realized how cool it was out. No, not just cool, but crisp. I walked almost to the doors, then stopped. I took a long slow breath and let the chill fill my lungs.

I walked past the hotel and kept going. I'm sure I looked silly, a guy in business attire, with a backpack on walking around southwest Madison, but who gives a shit. I didn't know how much I needed that. I had some time to think... about whatever the hell I wanted, and that was nice.

I sure did miss my love though. It would have been nice to walk with her tonight. perhaps this weekend...

well would you look at that... I have no idea what I originally wanted to say here.... what a mess... better luck next time.

Veterans Day

On Veterans day, as any other day I hold those who gave all for our great nation in the highest regard. I hope that I have honored their legacy with my own service. I thank those who have served and come home, and I pray for those who are currently serving. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Breaking it down ETS: I'm feeling like the most important thing I will ever do or be a part of is now relegated to my past.

So a cool thing about life, is that we don't know what were going to do, or where were going to end up in the future. I know everyone says they want to know, but really, I mean really, do we? I think at heart that would ruin us.
To coin the lyrics of Marilyn Manson: If all of your wishes are granted many of your dreams will be destroyed.
True I believe.

Any way, what I'm trying to say is that part of the not knowing, is that you can always imagine that there is something better, or greater over the horizon.

I'm having a tough time seeing something greater over the horizon now.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not wallowing in sorrow and saying my "best years" are over, because I am in love, and do look forward to our lives together. So don't get bent out of shape on that front.

I'm simply saying on the larger scale of things I can do in my life to affect for better or worse the course of something larger than myself or my family, I'm 99.999% sure It's behind me now.

I toy with the idea of trying to become a politician, but not seriously yet. I also some times think about going to seminary, or re-joining as a Chaplin, however not seriously yet.

So I feel like the BIG part(s) of my life...

Are done and over.

I suppose it's an over all feeling that I don't have a mission anymore. Sure I'm employed (thank God) and I have a woman whom I love dearly, and a daughter, however none of that apparently constitutes a mission in the back of my mind.

I see around me that almost everyone is content to run from paycheck to paycheck, working for more "stuff" or a special vacation, or a new car. Or my new personal favorite, some people just live to complain endlessly about how bad they have it... 

I'm having a tough time calling that a Mission. It feels hollow, worthless.

Where's the "real" work now?

Well I could go back in...

Become a contractor and go back...

Hook up with a group stateside that does work I believe in...

Dig into my faith more...

I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I know I need a mission...

Any ideas?

Breaking it down ETS: the walk away

I'm feeling like I have walked away from my brothers & sisters in arms in a time when they need me.


So this one doesn't need much in the way of explanation I suppose.
but what the hell? right?


After being involved in Iraq during some of the more pivotal times (during the invasion, then during some of the worst sectarian violence, and finally during the start of our "withdraw") not being involved at all now leaves me with a feeling that I should be going back, because if I'm not, that means that someone else has to go in my place... and what if something happens to them?


Some of this I'm sure is because I have friends who are currently serving overseas, and so I think of them, and feel like I'm not just taking a deserved break, but rather I walked away totally, and with a finality that is a little tough to swallow.


Some is because of the pattern it set in my life.
I realize that I'm not expected by others to continue with the never ending deployments, however I expected it.
It became a pattern of life.


Come back from deployment
endure de-mob process that sucks
take amazing vacation
go back to work
Work hard, but always look to the next deployment
get word of deployment
start training
train more
and more
then deploy
repeat


Now I'm out of my element, and I feel like I'm skipping out, I should be just a few months away from getting word now... but I'm not.


It's funny the part of my military time I loathed the most was the drill dates, I actually looked forward to the deployments.

My second and final ETS

So I am now the proud owner of two Honorable Discharge certificates from the U.S. Army.

Why am I not jumping up and down with excitement and glee? I'm not sure. But I'm going to take a whack at "talking" it out on here, perhaps I'll understand it in the end.

A few years ago while on my second deployment I met a wonderful woman, who I fell in love with. Don't worry I'm not going to get all sappy on you right off the bat, I'm just setting the stage. I ETSd shortly thereafter, (thus the first Honorable Discharge) however I had spoken with several "key" people, and made it clear that if my love was called up for her second tour, I would re-enlist and go with for my third.

Now let me try to explain this quickly for those of you who are thinking I'm a nut job.

Imagine that you find "the one" and are lucky enough that she returns the feelings. Now imagine letting her go back to Iraq without you, and sending her letters and care packages...

... so that's a no-go for me. No F-ing way could I have done that. So When she got the call, I got the call, went back to MEPS and did the duck walk for the second time, and whala, I was on the list, and ready to go in short order.

This deployment was tougher in a different way, and not as enjoyable as the last two. But it's over and were home again home again jiggady jig. Any way as my 2nd ETS rolled around I only asked one question....

What is my retirement like if I stay in (I'm at the 10 year mark now)? Turns out that even with 100% attendance, three deployments, and a mobilization (Katrina) I'm looking at about $500 a month if I stay in for a full 20.

Well.... if I have three deployments since 2003 I can expect either 3 or 4 more before I retire. That's a lot of rolling the dice, so I opted out.

But as I said I'm not jumping up and down screaming NO MORE IRAQ... Why?

I have a few possible explanations

I'm feeling like I have walked away from my brothers & sisters in arms in a time when they need me.

I'm feeling like the most important thing I will ever do or be a part of is now relegated to my past.

I'm feeling like I should have made E-7

I wonder if I'll become a fat lazy slice of crap

I feel like I could have done more

I miss something about being there... though I don't know what it is


I'll look into these each a little further in the coming days and maybe, just maybe, I'll be ok with my decision at the end.

Then later in the new month I plan to rant about the VA and the demobilization process that fails miserably at it's intended goal.

A very well written article about a gap forming and growing in the US today

Thanks to Fobbits Need Ice cream Too for pointing to this one
His blog is located here: http://kbrsecurity.blogspot.com/
And here is the article:
http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/09/09/in-the-10th-year-of-war-a-harder-army-a-more-distant-america/

It's well worth the full read.

True, so True