30 September 2010

Breaking it down ETS: the walk away

I'm feeling like I have walked away from my brothers & sisters in arms in a time when they need me.

So this one doesn't need much in the way of explanation I suppose.
but what the hell? right?

After being involved in Iraq during some of the more pivotal times (during the invasion, then during some of the worst sectarian violence, and finally during the start of our "withdraw") not being involved at all now leaves me with a feeling that I should be going back, because if I'm not, that means that someone else has to go in my place... and what if something happens to them?

Some of this I'm sure is because I have friends who are currently serving overseas, and so I think of them, and feel like I'm not just taking a deserved break, but rather I walked away totally, and with a finality that is a little tough to swallow.

Some is because of the pattern it set in my life.
I realize that I'm not expected by others to continue with the never ending deployments, however I expected it.
It became a pattern of life.

Come back from deployment
endure de-mob process that sucks
take amazing vacation
go back to work
Work hard, but always look to the next deployment
get word of deployment
start training
train more
and more
then deploy

Now I'm out of my element, and I feel like I'm skipping out, I should be just a few months away from getting word now... but I'm not.

It's funny the part of my military time I loathed the most was the drill dates, I actually looked forward to the deployments.

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