I'm
going to add this personal post to a mostly vanilla web-page. Funny
as I type this, I'm thinking it's a good analogy for what I'm about
to discuss.
Some
songs I keep around be cause they make me happy, some because they
make me remember. The one I'll share with you today does something
I'm going to try to explain, but I may fail miserably. Wish me luck.
The
song: Head Downby Nine Inch Nails
First
I'll try to explain it, then I may share along with the lyrics what
is going on in my head as I listen to the song.
The
two very different sounds during the song play at picking the edges
of a scab I don't think is ready to come off. Sometimes I really do
wonder if all of this is real. What do I mean by this? Well... During
my deployments I knew in no uncertain terms that it was VERY real.
there were zero layers of bullshit. War, is as real as life can be.
Here, and now, as I listen to this song while running on a treadmill
at a hotel in Rawlins, WY I get goosebumps across my sweating body as
I really wonder just what the hell I'm doing here. As the song
progresses, there are two very opposing sounds. Chaos, and metallic
tones of something dirty, gritty, and raw. While in the refrain a
silky soft melody settles in as we ask ourselves if this is real...
Now,
all that being said, there is a silver lining. There are a few, OK,
three people who know either some of the real me, or in the case of
one, all of me.
This
is new
This
is real
I
have never been able to be this honest with someone in my past.
This
has given me hope that the scab I mention may some day fall away on
it's own
This
has given me hope that even if it doesn't, that's OK, and I'm OK.
So
it's a tough song to listen to. I only listen while running, and it
drives me. I'm not sure why, but it does. I choose to keep it on my
playlist for the same reason we tongue a sore tooth. It
hurts, but for some reason, we like that, even crave it once in
a while.
So
as I ran on that treadmill, I thought, I wonder if this would be
helpful for anyone. Or perhaps helpful for me to share. Hell I dunno,
but why not.
Something
I read the other day just popped into my head as I'm finishing this
up, something like this:
If
you act like you, then you will meet and be with people who like YOU.
Not a fake idea of you, or some image of you, but actually YOU.
Great
advice I think, and for some reason in today's world hard advice to
follow.
