Breaking it down ETS: the walk away

I'm feeling like I have walked away from my brothers & sisters in arms in a time when they need me.


So this one doesn't need much in the way of explanation I suppose.
but what the hell? right?


After being involved in Iraq during some of the more pivotal times (during the invasion, then during some of the worst sectarian violence, and finally during the start of our "withdraw") not being involved at all now leaves me with a feeling that I should be going back, because if I'm not, that means that someone else has to go in my place... and what if something happens to them?


Some of this I'm sure is because I have friends who are currently serving overseas, and so I think of them, and feel like I'm not just taking a deserved break, but rather I walked away totally, and with a finality that is a little tough to swallow.


Some is because of the pattern it set in my life.
I realize that I'm not expected by others to continue with the never ending deployments, however I expected it.
It became a pattern of life.


Come back from deployment
endure de-mob process that sucks
take amazing vacation
go back to work
Work hard, but always look to the next deployment
get word of deployment
start training
train more
and more
then deploy
repeat


Now I'm out of my element, and I feel like I'm skipping out, I should be just a few months away from getting word now... but I'm not.


It's funny the part of my military time I loathed the most was the drill dates, I actually looked forward to the deployments.

My second and final ETS

So I am now the proud owner of two Honorable Discharge certificates from the U.S. Army.

Why am I not jumping up and down with excitement and glee? I'm not sure. But I'm going to take a whack at "talking" it out on here, perhaps I'll understand it in the end.

A few years ago while on my second deployment I met a wonderful woman, who I fell in love with. Don't worry I'm not going to get all sappy on you right off the bat, I'm just setting the stage. I ETSd shortly thereafter, (thus the first Honorable Discharge) however I had spoken with several "key" people, and made it clear that if my love was called up for her second tour, I would re-enlist and go with for my third.

Now let me try to explain this quickly for those of you who are thinking I'm a nut job.

Imagine that you find "the one" and are lucky enough that she returns the feelings. Now imagine letting her go back to Iraq without you, and sending her letters and care packages...

... so that's a no-go for me. No F-ing way could I have done that. So When she got the call, I got the call, went back to MEPS and did the duck walk for the second time, and whala, I was on the list, and ready to go in short order.

This deployment was tougher in a different way, and not as enjoyable as the last two. But it's over and were home again home again jiggady jig. Any way as my 2nd ETS rolled around I only asked one question....

What is my retirement like if I stay in (I'm at the 10 year mark now)? Turns out that even with 100% attendance, three deployments, and a mobilization (Katrina) I'm looking at about $500 a month if I stay in for a full 20.

Well.... if I have three deployments since 2003 I can expect either 3 or 4 more before I retire. That's a lot of rolling the dice, so I opted out.

But as I said I'm not jumping up and down screaming NO MORE IRAQ... Why?

I have a few possible explanations

I'm feeling like I have walked away from my brothers & sisters in arms in a time when they need me.

I'm feeling like the most important thing I will ever do or be a part of is now relegated to my past.

I'm feeling like I should have made E-7

I wonder if I'll become a fat lazy slice of crap

I feel like I could have done more

I miss something about being there... though I don't know what it is


I'll look into these each a little further in the coming days and maybe, just maybe, I'll be ok with my decision at the end.

Then later in the new month I plan to rant about the VA and the demobilization process that fails miserably at it's intended goal.

A very well written article about a gap forming and growing in the US today

Thanks to Fobbits Need Ice cream Too for pointing to this one
His blog is located here: http://kbrsecurity.blogspot.com/
And here is the article:
http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/09/09/in-the-10th-year-of-war-a-harder-army-a-more-distant-america/

It's well worth the full read.