This World is Only Illusion... Trying to Change You
I know some folks it has managed to change. It sometimes looks like a good thing, some times it feels so right... but in the end the illusion is swept away and only the reality of the decisions they made are left.
This is one such story.
I met a man. I didn't want to meet him. He was going to be in my way you see. I had just returned from my third tour in Iraq. I was dealing in a world without layers of bullshit, without layers of illusion. I was transitioning back into my civilian job where I knew all of these layers existed in spades. I had previously not had a direct supervisor. I had reported directly to a distant but amazing manager. I was happy. This guy was going to get in my way. Just one more layer of control and confusion I would have to deal with.
Initially upon meeting him, I was sure I had been correct to worry. He was so formal. He re-iterated the simplest of points over and over again. Belaboring a point so simple as dress code to death. I was really worried this was going to make my job unbearable.
As time went on (not much really) I started to notice something... This "guy" was actually pretty damn smart. He was quick, attentive, and dare I say real? This was strange. He didn't deal in layers. He wanted, no actually expected the reality of it all. He was a layer of protection from the corporate mess, not an addition to it.
As we worked more closely together I began to find that I could learn a lot from him. Some simple things, organization items, plan of action, simple type stuff, but also some pretty amazing big picture items. He knew how to actually lead, not manage. I was taken aback... this kind of leadership belonged in the military, but I was highly unaccustomed to it in the civilian world.
Before long I found myself thinking of this "middle man" as a mentor, I looked up to him. I trusted his decisions, I would seek out his thoughts and input in my own career decisions. I also realized something else. He cared. Not the typical paper-thin caring you get from stuffed shirts with no backing or feeling. Rather a true, honest, and tough caring. I was AMAZED. At one point we both laughed as we discussed our first meeting, and how serious it seemed at the time, versus how laughable it was now.
Eventually he moved on in his path, and I in mine, but we kept in touch. I continued to learn from this man well after we no longer worked for the same company.
While he was a supervisor, colleague, and mentor, he was also much more.
He was a friend.
In case you didn't catch it, this is not a word I toss about with the greatest of ease. I have hundreds of acquaintances co-workers, and business partners, but my number of friends can be counted on one hand. Literally.
Something happened to this man. The illusion... it got to him... maybe he let it in... maybe he fought long and hard to fight it.. he didn't know how to ask for help... it won.
This man deserved so much more. He should have had someone who he could go to. Someone who knew how much he was in pain. He didn't think he could... and that was the illusion.
He couldn't see through the layers of pain and confusion clouding his vision. It was so thick he couldn't make out his family. His wife, his wonderful children. They were all so far away. Blurry in the distance. Unmoving, and worse yet, unmoved.
He couldn't make out those of us who cared back. While he responded with smiles, jokes, and jovial quips, all the while he was hiding his pain. The world had pulled him into a dark corner... alone... and without hope.
In the illusion he could only see one way out... one clearing... one end.
He took this path, this illusion of peace, but could not see what it would do, nor who it would hurt.
Now all that is left is the void. The consequences of a decision made in the fog of this damn cold world.
You, sir, deserved better.
I'm sorry I wasn't louder or closer than the fog.
I'm sorry for your family who will live without you now.
I'm sorry for others who feel this loss as well.
I choose to remember you before the illusion took hold of you.
While you were a bright light in the world.
Smiling that smile, and helping those you met in any way you could.
While you knocked down layers of bullshit to have a very REAL life with all who you touched.
You are missed... and will always be.
In memory of KP, a traveler, now on the eternal road.
I know some folks it has managed to change. It sometimes looks like a good thing, some times it feels so right... but in the end the illusion is swept away and only the reality of the decisions they made are left.
This is one such story.
I met a man. I didn't want to meet him. He was going to be in my way you see. I had just returned from my third tour in Iraq. I was dealing in a world without layers of bullshit, without layers of illusion. I was transitioning back into my civilian job where I knew all of these layers existed in spades. I had previously not had a direct supervisor. I had reported directly to a distant but amazing manager. I was happy. This guy was going to get in my way. Just one more layer of control and confusion I would have to deal with.
Initially upon meeting him, I was sure I had been correct to worry. He was so formal. He re-iterated the simplest of points over and over again. Belaboring a point so simple as dress code to death. I was really worried this was going to make my job unbearable.
As time went on (not much really) I started to notice something... This "guy" was actually pretty damn smart. He was quick, attentive, and dare I say real? This was strange. He didn't deal in layers. He wanted, no actually expected the reality of it all. He was a layer of protection from the corporate mess, not an addition to it.
As we worked more closely together I began to find that I could learn a lot from him. Some simple things, organization items, plan of action, simple type stuff, but also some pretty amazing big picture items. He knew how to actually lead, not manage. I was taken aback... this kind of leadership belonged in the military, but I was highly unaccustomed to it in the civilian world.
Before long I found myself thinking of this "middle man" as a mentor, I looked up to him. I trusted his decisions, I would seek out his thoughts and input in my own career decisions. I also realized something else. He cared. Not the typical paper-thin caring you get from stuffed shirts with no backing or feeling. Rather a true, honest, and tough caring. I was AMAZED. At one point we both laughed as we discussed our first meeting, and how serious it seemed at the time, versus how laughable it was now.
Eventually he moved on in his path, and I in mine, but we kept in touch. I continued to learn from this man well after we no longer worked for the same company.
While he was a supervisor, colleague, and mentor, he was also much more.
He was a friend.
In case you didn't catch it, this is not a word I toss about with the greatest of ease. I have hundreds of acquaintances co-workers, and business partners, but my number of friends can be counted on one hand. Literally.
Something happened to this man. The illusion... it got to him... maybe he let it in... maybe he fought long and hard to fight it.. he didn't know how to ask for help... it won.
This man deserved so much more. He should have had someone who he could go to. Someone who knew how much he was in pain. He didn't think he could... and that was the illusion.
He couldn't see through the layers of pain and confusion clouding his vision. It was so thick he couldn't make out his family. His wife, his wonderful children. They were all so far away. Blurry in the distance. Unmoving, and worse yet, unmoved.
He couldn't make out those of us who cared back. While he responded with smiles, jokes, and jovial quips, all the while he was hiding his pain. The world had pulled him into a dark corner... alone... and without hope.
In the illusion he could only see one way out... one clearing... one end.
He took this path, this illusion of peace, but could not see what it would do, nor who it would hurt.
Now all that is left is the void. The consequences of a decision made in the fog of this damn cold world.
You, sir, deserved better.
I'm sorry I wasn't louder or closer than the fog.
I'm sorry for your family who will live without you now.
I'm sorry for others who feel this loss as well.
I choose to remember you before the illusion took hold of you.
While you were a bright light in the world.
Smiling that smile, and helping those you met in any way you could.
While you knocked down layers of bullshit to have a very REAL life with all who you touched.
You are missed... and will always be.
In memory of KP, a traveler, now on the eternal road.
No comments:
Post a Comment