To coin the lyrics of Marilyn Manson: If all of your wishes are granted many of your dreams will be destroyed.
True I believe.
Any way, what I'm trying to say is that part of the not knowing, is that you can always imagine that there is something better, or greater over the horizon.
I'm having a tough time seeing something greater over the horizon now.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not wallowing in sorrow and saying my "best years" are over, because I am in love, and do look forward to our lives together. So don't get bent out of shape on that front.
I'm simply saying on the larger scale of things I can do in my life to affect for better or worse the course of something larger than myself or my family, I'm 99.999% sure It's behind me now.
I toy with the idea of trying to become a politician, but not seriously yet. I also some times think about going to seminary, or re-joining as a Chaplin, however not seriously yet.
So I feel like the BIG part(s) of my life...
Are done and over.
I suppose it's an over all feeling that I don't have a mission anymore. Sure I'm employed (thank God) and I have a woman whom I love dearly, and a daughter, however none of that apparently constitutes a mission in the back of my mind.
I see around me that almost everyone is content to run from paycheck to paycheck, working for more "stuff" or a special vacation, or a new car. Or my new personal favorite, some people just live to complain endlessly about how bad they have it...
I'm having a tough time calling that a Mission. It feels hollow, worthless.
Where's the "real" work now?
Well I could go back in...
Become a contractor and go back...
Hook up with a group stateside that does work I believe in...
Dig into my faith more...
I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I know I need a mission...
Any ideas?
